The last weeks of 2024 slipped by with a myriad of activity.  I conducted several concerts of primarily the Snowman (Howard Blake) with Jonge Strijkers. This was a challenge that I hadn't anticipated, but a brilliantly fun one.  Syncing 25 minutes of orchestral music to a film in which mere seconds make or break the concert is exciting, if not slightly terrifying.  It was a great learning experience, and to my surprise, we pulled it off quite well.  There is one more concert on the 19th of January, and it is again, sold out.  

The kids and I popped out to Belgium directly after the concert on the 21st, and enjoyed a short but sweet little holiday before we pulled off a splendid Christmas at home on the 25th.  

Looking back on this year, it has been quite a ride, emotionally and for my career.  As every year slips by, it's easy to forget, especially in the flurry of activity as a career woman and a mother, how incredibly much was done in one single year.  From conducting various orchestras and choirs, setting up my own foundation, singing in many different ensembles and tours, playing violin with my daughter, participating in Maestra, teaching in a quite large number of elementary schools and developing my own music method, it's no wonder that I felt quite empty.  I spent the last hours of 2024 curled up on my coach with my cat, reading a book and enjoying the solitude.  

I'm picking up the thread with enthusiasm.  My first two days with two schools left me with a grin on my face.  It's time to make music again.  

The summer weeks of 2024 are almost over, and they have been a whirlwind of very exciting and enervating activity.  The first week found all three of us at Jonge Strijkers summer camp at Nyenrode Business University, in which I led the first edition of the new youngest group: Kids.  They were simply lovely and it was as if they had been at every previous edition as well.  They blended in splendidly, and added a positive and enthusiast vibe that infected the other groups as well.
A week of repose and preparation (and house repairs) ensued, and that flung me into the following weeks of activity:  a tour with Amsterdam Baroque to the Iteneraire Baroque Festival singing St John Passion, a week of rehearsals conducting the Vocaal Ensemble Tien in a small luxurious castle in the Ardennes, a week of Buitenkunst Drenthe, and finally the current week of vacation in the Alps.  

I just want to take a little bit of time to elaborate upon Buitenkunst. Buitenkunst has always been a bizarre place which can be fantastic, exhausting, frustrating, energising, mind-blowing, and fascinating.  I have been working there off and on as a conductor for singing workshops since 2009. It is a very welcome job for the summer months, and doesn't have any effect on one's career in a positive or negative way.  It is so entirely itself, that working there cannot put one in any box, and cannot upgrade or downgrade a career path.  

There have been some years in which I have been absolutely stunned by the amount of creativity that amasses there.  The product can be nothing at all, but it can also be surprisingly overwhelming, delightful.  Nothing can be really planned beforehand. One doesn't know which and how many participants will chose one's program.  The knowledge that they bring with them is also unknown.  Of course, many days are experimental flops. However, many days are also huge successes, considering that all involved, with the exception of the workshop leader,  are amateurs. 

This year was different than before.  My music colleagues and I worked well and respectfully with each other.  There was a new theater teacher specialising in puppet theater, and she and I (in collaboration with three others) created two succesful projects that I hope I won't forget for a long while.  The first was totally spontaneous.  It was chance that she was doing something with Japanese puppets, and I was offering a Japanese song on the same day (with choreography). We created a collaboration with each of our 12 member groups, and were able to perform it in the evening.  One of my participants came to me on the last day, and told me that it was possibly her favorite workshop of the week.  Again, completely unexpected.  

On the last day, we (5 teachers) created a mega collaboration with an intro with dance and choir with snippets from Jurassic Park, followed by an orchestral and choral version of the main theme from Jurassic Park, accompanied by a massive puppet show of half human, half dinosaur puppets running through the field and audience.  It was a tremendous success, and cemented the new friendship between me and Cat (puppet theater teacher).  

Two special side notes:  one of the young women in my orchestra doesn't read music and wanted to join anyways.  I constructed a sort of timpani part with two bass drums from two drumsets, and put a cymbal in between.  She totally rocked the "timpani" part, and was absolutely fantastic on the suspended cymbal.  She learned how to warm it up during a 2 measure buildup and crashed it at exactly the right moment 2 times during the piece.  She is absolutely a born percussionist.  I sincerely hope that she finds a way to continu.  The second instance was a bassist that also played in the orchestra.  He told me that he had NEVER played in orchestra, and that he just loved the experience.  If anything makes me happy, it is those two wonderful people.  I don't need to stand in front of the Concertgebouw to be happy.  Give me a mumble jumble orchestra in a forest with these type of people, along side an amazing collaboration, and that is exactly what brings me joy.  Keep on making music!

I finally came away from Buitenkunst with the feeling:  yes, I can't wait until next year.  Let's keep the flame of creativity and collaboration alive. 

In just a few days I will be heading to Paris with an amazing fan club for the La Maestra Conducting Competition.  Wim, Suzanne (and family), Ria, Frans, Irene, Ton, Sanna, and Lineke; what a joy and honor for me that you will be joining me in Paris to support me.  It warms my heart to have such amazing people around me at this important event.  I'm grateful to you!

My favourite composers at the moment are:
(early) G.F. Händel, JS Bach, W.A. Mozart
(orchestral later) Shostakovich, Prokofiev, Stravinsky, Ravel
(choral and strings) Pēteris Vasks, Mäntyjärvi, Arvo Pärt, Rautavaara, Knut Nystedt

It says a lot that the Romantics don't really pull my strings anymore.  Thank goodness round 1 has two of my composers listed above, and round two is completely unknown music next to two pieces that I can perform in my sleep.  (I've sung Parto Parto for at least a decade). 

The last round, would I get that far, will be a joy.  Brahms 4, which I conducted in a final exam 20 years ago, Beethoven 8, one of my favourite Beethoven's, Debussy's Fētes, one of the only pieces that I like by the composer, and a new very experimental piece by Manon Lepauvre.

Allons-y!

After six months of a roiling amount of emotions elicited by a constant bombardement of horrific news emitting from the Palestinian territories, it seemed impossible to concentrate.   I can't describe in words the amount of emotional turmoil that this season has brought to me.  Rage at the amount of brainwashing causing the allowance of indiscriminate terror upon millions of people, fear of consequences of speaking out, a blasé feeling about making what I feel is sometimes superficial music in such a time of grief, whereas before music seemed all-important, concern about my future career and ability to support my children, concern about my children's future in a world falling apart politically, economically, and environmentally.  All of these deep feelings of insecurity, horror, helplessness, fear.... I know many of us are able to keep going simply by suppressing the majority of these feelings.  If we let them in, they, as a flood, would overwhelm our brains, and society would completely fall apart even more than it is doing now.  However, I also know that those of us who are highly sensitive have difficulty to stem the tide.  We are the ones who find it, in these terrible times, incredibly hard to concentrate.  
I feel for you, I stand by you, I support you.  Let us stand together to look forward, to help those that are left, and to be there especially for the children of tomorrow who so desperately need our help.  Keep a goal in mind.  Concentrate.

I stepped in the train at Amsterdam Centraal today to go to a rehearsal in Lelystad, and was sitting by the entrance so as to keep eye on my folding bike, when a relatively young (25-30?) man with a friendly appearance stepped in and caught my eye.  We shared a smile, and a few minutes later I noticed a keffiyeh almost hidden underneath his jacket collar.  As I had a stack of flyers for the benefit concert for the children of Gaza with me, and wanted to offer him one, I asked if I could give it to him because I noticed his shawl.  He immediately replied, "I'm from Gaza," upon ensued a very pleasant and open conversation with him and with two other people, that just as I were full of curiosity and questions and were standing in the same carriage.  A story came out which can only be described as incredulous.  He moved here three years ago, and has a legal status to work in the Netherlands.  This is one of those immigrants that does the jobs that we would rather not do, for wages that are probably suboptimal.  In any case, he is very glad to be away from Gaza, because "it is just terrible there." We didn't go into the specifics.  But, three years ago, it was already terrible there.  He had to bribe an Egyptian border guard to be able to get out and to travel to Cairo, upon which his journey begin to Turkey, Greece, North Macedonia, Kosovo, Serbia, Hungary, Austria, and through to the Netherlands.  He walked most of the way from Turkey until Hungary, swimming a river and climbing high mountains for three days.  He said that many who couldn't swim simply died in the river, and those who couldn't climb didn't make it either.  At one point the police found them and brought them back to the border, but they just went back again and this time, were not caught.  

He spoke to his father four days ago during the temporary cease-fire.  He has not heard from them since. The strange thing about this man is that he remained cheerful pleasant, even when describing hardships and difficulties.  I told him he is my guest at the benefit concert on the 15th of December.  

The beautiful conversation that the four of us had, strange for a train ride in which normally nobody every speaks to anybody, is exactly what the benefit concert TROOST wants to elicit.  It's a place for contact, for real interaction, music, consolation, listening to one another.  Please come.  Please feel welcome. Please help us to give a little light, comfort, and help to the children that so desperately need it now in Gaza.  Let's raise 10,000 euros for those 1 million children!  

To reserve a seat make a donation and send an email to [email protected].  If you can't make it, all donations are still very welcome!  Thank you.  

Collapse - How Societies Chose to Fail or Survive 
Jared Diamond

Reading is essential to understand the world.  Illiteracy is one of the most dangerous elements of the developed world.  25% of Dutch teenagers are incapable of understanding written text.  Spread the word.  Support literacy.  

Many are walking on thin ice at this time, and I feel the same way.  My heart and mind are torn and broken at the world situation.  Yet I know that there are horrific consequences to population explosions and religious dogmas, as described by Jared Diamond's book Collapse.  The collapse is starting now, and people like Bernie Sanders seem to be the only ones standing bravely in the face of the tsunami.  

Please donate to help the Palestinians.  At the current moment Israel is bombing everything in Gaza.  1 million people have become homeless in less than a week, more than 7000 are dead, a substantial amount of those children.  Little to no supplies have been able to enter the territory.  When we wake up tomorrow there might be no one to donate for, but for moralities sake, give generously for those who might survive.

https://www.map.org.uk/
https://www.unrwa.org/
https://www.wfp.org

Those who are following these posts -- this first one brought some needed laughter, but the second one shocked me to remember what happened.  In the series -- I went not knowing anything, and I came out knowing too much.  My time as a music teacher in Pa--

​Dear All,


Here is update 6, started on Jan 20.
 
Well, my orchestra program at the conservatory, which started as a lame animal with 3 dysfunctional legs, suddenly grew a fourth, stood up straight, and ran like a racehorse to the finish of 3 concerts in which we performed the first mov't of Schubert's Unfinished Symphony among other things.  This all happened after a 4 day orchestra camp in Birzeit where I was graced with the magnificent collaboration of S. B. from Germany as wind coach, and J. and P. (brass players) from Germany and Sweden.  The concerts were on Jan 8, 9, and 10 in Bethlehem, Jerusalem, and Ramallah, respectively, and although of course permits and other crap hindered (mostly administrative blunders) some details of the performances and rehearsals, in all it was a great success that we are all very proud of, and I am motivated to create an even greater concert this spring.  . . on the list of repertoire is Beethoven 5, first mov't, and some other pieces I arranged such as Chiqulin de Bachin, la Donna e Mobile, and Summertime.


Ramallah in general is still damn cold, but I think in all respects things are warming up ..  and all parts of life are going to become better.  The rain is falling like mad today and rivers are running down the streets, but at least the 4 days before showed some abatement of the creeping cold.  People are talking now, administrations are sorting out their differences (including my own conservatory, which has it’s own lion’s share), and I think things can only look up from here. 


I have become a much more aggressive, strong, and insistent person from my whole Palestine experience. .  can you believe I could have surpassed what I was before!!  Take last week for instance.  I traveled from Ramallah to Bethlehem with two of my Ramallah kids and one Jerusalem.  This takes forever, first a service out of Ramallah, then a bus to Jerusalem Old City, then another bus to Bethlehem checkpoint, then a taxi to Beit Sahour where the Bethlehem conservatory is.  Well, in any case, of course the Kalandia checkpoint was slow etc, and so by the time me and these kids get to Bethlehem checkpoint, 2 hours have gone by and we’re exhausted.  So then when we get there, the soldier who is unconcernedly talking on the phone while filing her nails, refuses to let them through (these are 10-12 year olds) because if they don’t live or work in Bethlehem they can’t go in (even though they're Palestinians).   I told her this was not acceptable, that I had a whole orchestra waiting for me, that these kids belonged with the orchestra, and that I definitely could not do without my bass player, and that we had already been traveling for two hours.  She said if she was the captain, she would let me through.  So, I said, fine, let me speak with the captain.  Ok, she said he was coming, five minutes later he was still not there.  So I asked her, was he coming now, or next year, or in 5 years?  He came, I said that I definitely could not do without my bass player, and he let us through.  I ARGUED WITH A CAPTAIN!  My triumph for the week.
The point is not my triumph, actually, my point is that this country makes people aggressive, rude, strong, insistent.  I now know why the old ladies push on their way through the checkpoint and on the bus.  I now know why people honk like mad when there is a traffic jam.  We simply don’t have patience for the unnecessary, since there is so much enforced unnecessary hindrances.  If it had been me in September with these kids we would have headed back, wasted our day with travel, and not gained anything except down-trodden bitterness.  Well, instead we had our small triumph, if it means anything.  It means the captain has a good heart, it means that walls aren’t everything, that humanity can soften the cement to let a young bass player attempt to play tango with 8 other kiddies. 


Tonight there were two “opera” singers and a Greek pianist who “graced” our Ramallah Cultural Center stage with a shoddy performance of famous arias and musical theater pieces.  The concert was strangely advertised as a piano concert with accompaniment of singers . .  a sign I should have well heeded.  The tenor sang with an apple in his mouth (or so it seemed) and had absolutely no sense of diction, in whatever language he was singing.  In fact, it didn’t even matter what the language was, it all sounded like one stuffed up drone.  His real finesse lay in the musical theater, in which his dramatic acting was definitely the highest point of his performance.  The soprano was ok, and also seemed more at home singing Show Boat than La Traviata.  And her high C at the end of Boheme’s first act was pretty good, although I’m glad I couldn’t see how she must have had to contort her face to get it, because of course both her and Rodolfo are off stage for those last blessed notes.  The tenor’s name was Coke, and let me tell you, when they sang the last encore from the Fledermaus, he must have snorted some before coming on stage.  I shouldn’t be so harsh ..  but just because we’re in Palestine doesn’t mean we don’t have standards here!! People can’t just come here to use our stage as practice venues for performances that they would never be allowed to do in other places!   


Enough frustration.  There are so many fantastic things here it would be stupid to dwell on the bad.  Fantastic number one: it snowed here!! And the Palestinians revelled in it.  Fantastic number two:  we got a new Swedish pianist that temporarily joined the faculty, and we are planning a whole chamber music concert with him . . finally an opportunity to perform!  Fantastic number three:  the health club I’m part of has a Russian ballerina fitness trainer who has made it her personal goal to get me into shape and teach me ballet.  She’s pretty intense . . insists on abdomen training every day.  That’s pretty much the one muscle that I don’t seem to have.  We’ve decided to do our training with Tchaikovsky and other classical ballet composers as a nice relief from techno aerobic music.  Fantastic number 4, living in Palestine is like having a humungous family in which everybody takes care of everybody.


Take care all and I wish you a thousand good thoughts from across the miles.


Update 7,  Feb 11, 2007:
Walla, (very satisfying Arabic expression), it’s February and there are so many exciting, terrible, promising, hopeless things to tell about my (and others) little life in Ramallah. 
Do you remember that I said . . things are getting warmer  .. it looks like organisations are talking, and things can only look up from here?  I was slightly mistaken.  As I thought we were at the lowest point and that out of default we could only go up, things miraculously got worse.  On a personal level, the Conservatory almost brought me to the point of quitting due to some administrative blunders/actions regarding the orchestra and other things.  Without details, and with a current sense of relief I now happily spread the news that within the last 3 days things have turned remarkably for the better  . . which I will get to later.  Anyways, outside of my egotistical little sphere but yet still relating to me: 1. A man who came to the healthclub every morning, and was best friends with one of my own friends, and in fact had participated in a jolly game of Pictionary (the best game on EARTH!!) at my house, was shot in the head by the Israelis.  They were undercover in Ramallah and were trying to stoke a conflict between the two rival factions by dressing as Hamas soldiers, which made a Fatah security commander nervous, and when he called his extra guard (which Khaldoun was part of), for some reason shooting broke out.  My friend was devastated, as was pretty much everybody around me (he was a person very much respected by many people in Ramallah).  2. So, after my friend lost her best friend, she then lost (day before yesterday) one of her former piano students in a gas station explosion also near Ramallah.  On top of that, the very day that Fatah and Hamas agreed on a unity government, the Israelis provoked the entire Muslim world by digging beneath the third most holy site for Islam, the Al-Aqsa mosque in Jerusalem, under the pretext that some ramp needed renewal.  Hence, there was massive rioting in Jerusalem, and of course this affects the entire West Bank, because security was heightened, which froze the checkpoint at Kalandia, of course causing more rioting from Palestians insistent on traveling to Jerusalem  . . .
So between illegal murders, explosions due to carelessness and stupidity, administrative blunders, funerals, provocation and rioting, the end result has been (for me) that I have been on permanent “vacation” for at least a week now that everything that I had in my calendar was cancelled.  And so, you see, when you hit bottom, you can always dig more (beneath holy sites, at that) to hit the next bottom.  Sorry for the pessimism.


I’m really not negative at this time, to be honest, because heek iddinya (you remember?? –“such is life”).  And things now really ARE looking up.  My orchestra is suddenly doing fantastic!!  Now that we have a very strong administrative grip on the whole project, thanks to the departure of a tired and disorganised lady and the subsequent arrival of a young positive and energetic Mohammad Maragha, the students are responding with much better progress.  The policy regarding practicing and attendance that they signed, and a month long trial period imposed by me (determining staying in the orchestra, or moving back to beginning orchestra) is creating competition and motivation to practice their music (!!! What a CONCEPT!!!), be extremely attentive during rehearsal, and take tardiness seriously.  Not only that, but we have a substantial amount of Birzeit camps planned for this semester, and that is where we really make the most progress.  For the advanced/intermediate orchestra we have several projects;  some of them are playing the Mozart Requiem with the choir of London, and they all are playing the first mov’t of Beethoven 5.  Also some smaller pieces, .  . and I think after the Beethoven we will feed ourselves the veggies of orchestra   .. a nice Haydn Symphony mov’t.  . probably 44. 


About the other things . . they are terrible.   Shock numbs the soul.  It becomes something that you begin to think of as “heek iddinya” . . because there is too much to plague you pysche with remorse and sadness and regret and anger and negativity.  Maybe sometimes the only solution to big problems is a substantial shock and blow. Maybe for humanity that’s the only thing that brings us to action, conflict, and later, reconciliation.  Brings us to reflection as well.  My friend talked to me a lot during the last week about her grief and disbelief, and her questioning of everything, including the will herself to continue living.  And she said you can only understand when it happens to you . . you can only sympathise completely with another’s pain when you feel it directly yourself.  She was referring to all of the Palestinian women that she has seen on the news weeping over lost loved ones . .


Speaking of lost loved ones, I lost both of my cats.  One was stolen by the street boys, and the other I think was terrorised by the bully cats in the neighbourhood.  I’m not going to do the whole saving the cats from the humane shelter again.  Expensive and sad.  Palestine is not made for having cats . . you should keep them inside if you have them (I refuse, totally terrible for an animal), or you should realise that outside they must be the smartest, toughest, (dirty) buggers to claim their fame in the survival of the fittest.  Maybe I’ll get a bird . . . . .  . NOT. 


Regarding music, I think that for some strange reason, what you would think to be a very far location regarding classical music, Ramallah is actually doing me some good?!  I’m learning so much about what is fundamental to music when I teach my choir and my orchestra.  Intervals especially.  Breathing!!  Playing an instrument or singing is like exercise, without oxygen you completely unwittingly fail.  And also, I’m getting all these crazy opportunities to perform on every single instrument that I play:  violin, viola, flute, singing, and even piano!!  My piano chops thank goodness are improving, and I’m accompanying many of my students on their exam pieces and also on audition tapes for abroad. .  plus I love practicing La Traviata in the morning with a CD to accompany a virtual Sutherland, .  Callas.  I’ve found the funniest methods to stretch the brain,  . . try sight singing Isolde from Tristan and Isolde first act at tempo with a very old recording where the tonality (if discernable) is hard to hear.  Walla, (lots of emphasis on the “W”) you find strange pastimes when you get to make them up yourself! 


Well, anyways, let’s all get ready for a tremendous Valentines’ day with lots of virtual hugs and benevolent thoughts.  Forget the material presents, let’s just all get along and be friends!! Walla!!!


Many regards . . I hope the sun and the moon smile down on you in peace!